“Piece by piece, I reenter the world. A new phase. A new body, a new voice. Birds console me by flying, trees by growing, dogs by the warm patch they leave on the sofa. Unknown people merely by performing their motions. It’s like a slow recovery from a sickness, this recovery of one’s self.”— Toby Talbot
Its been a very long time since my last post here. This blog is very precious to me as I have recorded so many memories and days of pain, heartbreak and the occasional relief and happiness. In the months that have gone by, my life has changed in many ways which I could not have foreseen a year back.
I got married to a wonderful woman back in Oct last year. She has been on a similar journey as me and we understand each other in many ways. We are quite different individuals and that makes life interesting and enriching as we bring different strengths and weaknesses together. We have a beautiful family now with two boys aged eight and twelve.
While its been an exciting time for all of us, its also been a transitional phase as we try to integrate into a new life together.We still live in different cities but we plan to get together later this year and finally start living the life we have been planning and talking about for some time now.
We will be moving to a new house, a new community, new school for the boys. I’m really looking forward to truly starting a new phase in my life.It has taken a lot of pain,sweat and tears to get to this point but its been worth the struggles.Of course the challenges do not end, there are many new things to be learned, new issues to be addressed.
I think the reason I stopped writing was that at some point it just wore me down. In the beginning when the times were the toughest, it really helped me get my emotions out. I wrote almost everyday, through the intense pain and tears and I found that it helped me survive those days.
Though grief never really goes away, there are still moments of intense sadness but with time and effort you learn to manage it. My reasons for writing are primarily that I love to do it and also I would like to continue so that I can help others who are walking this difficult path.
As I start a new phase in my life, I want to write about the new emotions and feelings I have, the new challenges we face as a blended family and last but not the least how we are continuing on this journey to accomplish new goals and dreams.Not all of this has to be sad and serious. We had a terrible terrible thing happen to us but we are doing ok, we are doing alright.
I used to follow a lot of blogs here, and I will continue to do so because we all share a special kinship. We are survivors, we will go on to live full and enriching lives. The ones we have lost will always have a very special place in our hearts, dearly loved and forever missed. Our lives are richer because they touched us in ways manifold.
Its a journey of ups and downs, not all days are the same but I strive to improve each day.Meditation and walking has really helped me stay calm through all of this.I’m learning new things just for the pleasure of it – long forgotten dreams from my twenties have been reignited.
And then there are days that I feel I’m back in the darkness,the pain is raw again and it feels I have failed myself. I guess, its part of the healing process, and you start all over again. For all those who are on this path, please know that better days will come. For now it might seem improbable, but its true.
The journey continues..